Help with Guilt: Why Feeling Guilty Doesn’t Always Mean You’ve Done Something Wrong

Guilt is one of those emotions that tends to grab our attention and sit heavily in our chest. It can show up in the quiet moments after a difficult decision, or in the background hum of our day when we’ve set a boundary, said no, or chosen ourselves for once. And so often, we interpret guilt as a sign we’ve done something wrong.

But here’s the thing: guilt isn’t always a red flag for wrongdoing. Sometimes, it simply means you’re doing something different.

As psychologists at The Inner Collective, based in Melbourne, we often help clients explore their guilt through a compassionate and values-based lens. Whether you’re navigating parenthood, work boundaries, family expectations, or your own healing journey—guilt can arise not because you're failing, but because you're growing.

Why Guilt Can Be Misleading

Guilt is designed to keep us in connection with others. It helps us recognise when we've crossed a line or acted outside of our values. But it also tends to flare up when we:

• Set new boundaries

• Prioritise our needs

• Make decisions that go against old patterns or expectations

• Choose not to people-please

In these moments, guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it may simply mean you're doing something unfamiliar. You’re creating space for your wellbeing, your truth, or your healing—and that can feel uncomfortable if you’re used to prioritising others.

4 Strategies to Help with Guilt While Staying True to Your Values

1. Name the Guilt—and What It’s Really About

Rather than trying to get rid of guilt, slow down and name it. What is this guilt trying to protect? Is it about disappointing someone? Is it tied to an old belief that you must always be available, kind, or agreeable?

Naming guilt helps create a pause between the emotion and the reaction, giving you space to choose what comes next.

“I notice I feel guilty after saying no to that catch-up. I think I’m worried they’ll think I don’t care—but my body really needed rest.”

2. Reconnect with Your Values

Ask yourself: What value am I acting on, even though I feel guilty?It might be rest, honesty, autonomy, authenticity, or health. Guilt often arises when our actions are aligned with new or reclaimed values, especially if they challenge expectations.

Try this reflection: “I feel guilty, and I’m also honouring my need for quiet.”

3. Practise Self-Compassion, Not Just Logic

Even if you know you’ve done nothing wrong, your nervous system might still feel uneasy. That’s where self-compassion comes in. Try placing a hand on your heart, offering kind words to yourself, or simply acknowledging that guilt is hard to sit with—and you’re doing it anyway.

Compassion doesn’t erase guilt, but it makes space for it without letting it run the show.

4. Guilt Is a Visitor—Don’t Let It Drive the Car

It’s okay to feel guilt and continue acting in alignment with your values. You don’t need to wait until guilt goes away to make healthy choices. You can bring it with you gently, while keeping your long-term wellbeing in focus.

“I feel guilty, and I’m allowed to choose what matters to me.”

You’re Not Doing Something Wrong—You’re Doing Something New

If guilt is showing up for you right now, know that it might be a sign you’re making brave, values-based changes in your life. It might feel uncomfortable—but discomfort isn’t always danger. Sometimes, it’s the growing edge of transformation.

At The Inner Collective, our Melbourne psychologists are here to support you in making empowered choices—even when they come with complex emotions like guilt. If you’d like to explore this in therapy, we’re here to help.

Reach out to book a session with one of our warm and experienced psychologists today.