How an ADHD Therapist in Melbourne Can Help With Emotion Dysregulation
- phoebelau
- Oct 12
- 4 min read
Updated: Oct 12
When people think about ADHD, they usually picture someone who’s distracted, fidgety, or constantly misplacing their keys. That’s not wrong but there’s a whole other side of ADHD that doesn’t get nearly as much airtime: emotions.
If you’ve ever felt like your feelings show up with the force of a freight train and then linger way longer than you’d like, you’re not imagining it. Emotion dysregulation is a big part of ADHD for many adults, and it can impact work, relationships, and how you see yourself. Let’s unpack what the research says, why emotions feel so intense with ADHD, and what you can do about it.
What Do We Mean by “Emotion Dysregulation”?
Everyone gets emotional. That’s being human. But emotion dysregulation is when those feelings are so strong, or hang around so long, that they trip you up. It might look like:
Getting angry fast and calming down slow.
Feeling shame or guilt long after the event.
Reacting before you’ve had a chance to think.
Carrying a mental replay of awkward moments for days.
Sound familiar? If so, you’re in good company. Research suggests that emotional challenges are actually one of the most common difficulties for people with ADHD.
What the Research Tells Us
For a long time, ADHD was described mostly in terms of inattention and hyperactivity. The “official” diagnostic manuals didn’t include emotional challenges. But researchers like Russell Barkley (2015) and Shaw et al. (2014) argue that emotion dysregulation is not just a side effect—it’s central to ADHD.
Brain imaging backs this up. Studies show that the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that helps us plan, pause, and regulate—doesn’t always sync up smoothly with emotional centres like the amygdala. In plain English? The brakes don’t always connect with the accelerator. Which is why emotions can come in hot and heavy, before you’ve had a chance to catch your breath.
The Real-Life Impact
If emotions are dialled up to 10, the ripple effects are everywhere:
Relationships: Snapping at your partner, then feeling awful about it.
Work: Struggling with criticism, deadlines, or just that one email that feels harsher than it is.
Self-image: Internalising years of “too much” feedback and starting to believe it.
It’s not just about having big feelings. It’s the aftermath, the regret, shame, and self-blamethat can weigh people down.
Three Strategies That Actually Help
Therapy is often where people really dig into these patterns, but here are three practical strategies backed by research that you can experiment with right now.
1. Build in a Pause (Even a Tiny One)
Emotions make everything feel urgent. You want to react, reply, or walk away immediately. But a pause, even just 10 seconds, changes the game.
One quick trick: grounding through your senses. Try the 5–4–3–2–1 method (five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste). It’s like hitting the emergency brake for your nervous system.
2. Check the Story in Your Head
ADHD brains can be wired for rejection sensitivity. Meaning: someone’s neutral feedback can land like they just declared you unfit for human interaction.
Next time you catch that spiral, ask:
What’s the actual evidence here?
Is there another way to read this situation?
Would I talk to a friend the way I’m talking to myself?
This is straight out of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). It won’t erase the feeling, but it can turn the volume down.
3. Make a Game Plan for High-Emotion Situations
ADHD thrives on being proactive. If you know a certain scenario reliably pushes your buttons like, conflict with your partner or the dreaded performance review, plan for it.
That could mean:
Agreeing with your partner on a code word for “pause before we say something we’ll regret.”
Scheduling short reset breaks at work before you’re at boiling point.
Keeping a few calming scripts on your phone for when anger or shame shows up.
Think of it like prepping snacks before a long car trip. You’ll thank yourself later.
Why an ADHD Therapist in Melbourne Can Help
Yes, strategies help. But therapy goes beyond quick fixes. It’s a chance to:
Understand the roots of shame and criticism that pile up over the years.
Learn tools that actually fit your life (not cookie-cutter tips that don’t stick).
Explore strengths you may have overlooked while focusing on “problems.”
At The Inner Collective, our psychologists specialise in ADHD counselling here in Melbourne. We work with adults to manage emotions, attention, and all the messy, very human stuff in between. Whether it’s one-on-one support or joining our ADHD group program, our approach is evidence-based and tailored to you.
A Friendly Nudge to Take the Next Step
If your emotions feel louder, faster, or stickier than other people’s and you’re tired of blaming yourself for it, it might be time to get support.
Working with an ADHD therapist in Melbourne can help you understand what’s going on beneath the surface and give you tools to navigate it with more ease. Our team offers ADHD counselling Melbourne-wide, with psychologists who “get it” and won’t reduce you to just symptoms.
Curious? You can connect with a psychologist for ADHD in Melbourne through The Inner Collective. Sometimes just reaching out is the first step towards calmer, steadier days.
References (for the research nerds among us)
Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Handbook for Diagnosis and Treatment. Guilford Press.
Gross, J. J. (2014). Handbook of Emotion Regulation. Guilford Press.
Shaw, P., Stringaris, A., Nigg, J., & Leibenluft, E. (2014). Emotion dysregulation in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 171(3), 276–293.
Shaw, P., et al. (2012). Development of cortical surface area and gyrification in ADHD. Biological Psychiatry, 72(3), 191–197.
