Why It’s Hard to Identify Perfectionism, Change, and How Therapy Can Help

Perfectionism is often viewed as a positive trait. After all, who doesn’t strive to excel and meet high standards? However, when perfectionism takes control, it can hurt your mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. Recognizing perfectionism in yourself is challenging, making it difficult to address and change.

At The Inner Collective Clinical Psychology, we understand the complexities of perfectionism. It can significantly impact your well-being. In this post, we’ll explore why perfectionism is hard to identify, the challenges in changing it, and how therapy can help you use its positives while addressing the negatives.

If you’re ready to manage perfectionism, check out our online course, "Finding Balance Beyond Perfectionism," which uses a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) approach to help you break free from unhealthy perfectionistic tendencies.

Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism is more than just striving for excellence. It’s a personality trait characterized by holding yourself to unreasonably high standards and striving for flawlessness. While aiming for excellence can be motivating, perfectionism often leads to:

• An intense fear of failure.

• Harsh self-criticism.

• An inability to enjoy your accomplishments.

  
  

There are different types of perfectionism, which include:

• Self-oriented perfectionism: Setting excessively high standards for yourself.

• Other-oriented perfectionism: Expecting unrealistic standards from others.

• Socially-prescribed perfectionism: Feeling pressure to meet perceived expectations of others.

  
  

Recognizing the Difficulty of Identifying Perfectionism

Identifying perfectionism can be tough. You may take pride in your work and accomplishments, which makes it easier to confuse perfectionism with ambition or conscientiousness. However, the emotional toll of perfectionism is significant.

1. Perfectionism as a Positive Trait

Many cultures praise perfectionistic traits like being detail-oriented and hardworking. This praise can make it hard to see when perfectionism becomes unhealthy. People often view their perfectionistic traits as the keys to their success, which leads to reluctance in questioning them.

2. Internalized Over Time

Perfectionism often develops early, influenced by parental and societal expectations. High standards gradually become internalized, feeling like an inseparable part of who you are. When perfectionism becomes ingrained, it merges with your sense of self-worth.

3. Concealing Struggles

Perfectionists might appear successful but often battle intense internal struggles. These include anxiety, fear of failure, and self-criticism. They may hide these issues, thinking that admitting to them is a sign of weakness. Consequently, it becomes harder for both individuals and others to pinpoint perfectionism as a problem.

The Challenges of Changing Perfectionism

Even if you're aware that perfectionism harms your well-being, changing these behaviors can be difficult. Here’s why:

1. Fear of Losing Control

Perfectionists often fear that lowering their standards or relaxing their expectations will lead to failure, criticism, or rejection. This fear keeps them trapped in a cycle of overworking and overthinking.

2. Reinforcement of Perfectionistic Behaviors

Perfectionism often receives external validation. The rewards that come with high achievement reinforce the behavior, making it harder to step away from it. Perfectionists attribute their successes to their perfectionistic habits, reinforcing their cycle.

3. Deep-Rooted Beliefs About Self-Worth

At the core of perfectionism is often the belief that self-worth is linked to achievements. Letting go of perfectionistic tendencies might feel like risking one’s value or identity, making change daunting.

How Therapy Can Help with Perfectionism

Therapy can significantly aid in managing perfectionism. It addresses the underlying beliefs that fuel perfectionism, as well as the behaviors that maintain it. Here’s how therapy, specifically through a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) approach, can assist you:

1. Identifying Perfectionistic Patterns

Therapy provides a safe space to explore your perfectionistic tendencies. An anxiety therapist can help you recognize the thoughts and behaviors involved. You can begin to understand your emotions and triggers in relation to perfectionism.

2. Challenging Unhelpful Thinking

CBT is effective for treating perfectionism because it focuses on identifying and challenging unhelpful thinking patterns. Perfectionists often engage in all-or-nothing thinking, viewing anything less than perfect as failure. In therapy, you will learn to reframe these thoughts into more flexible, balanced perspectives.

3. Balancing High Standards with Self-Compassion

Therapy teaches you how to maintain high standards without harsh self-criticism. A key aspect of overcoming perfectionism is developing self-compassion—the ability to be kind to yourself, especially when things don’t go perfectly. Practicing self-compassion can reduce the emotional stress that perfectionism brings while still allowing you to pursue your goals.

4. Building Resilience to Failure and Criticism

Perfectionists often avoid situations due to a fear of failure and criticism. In therapy, you can learn strategies to cope with these fears. Techniques may involve exposure to imperfection, where you intentionally do something imperfectly to increase your tolerance for less-than-perfect outcomes.

5. Harnessing the Positives of Perfectionism

Not all perfectionistic traits are detrimental. Many individuals have strengths in attention to detail and motivation. Therapy can help you leverage these positives in ways that enhance your well-being rather than lead to burnout or distress. With balance, you can excel without the overwhelming pressure to be perfect.

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Our Online Course: "Finding Balance Beyond Perfectionism"

If you’re struggling with perfectionism and want to take steps toward change, consider our online course, "Finding Balance Beyond Perfectionism". This self-paced course utilizes a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) approach to help you escape the perfectionism cycle and form healthier thought patterns.

In this course, you will:

• Learn how to identify and challenge perfectionistic thoughts.

• Develop practical strategies to manage perfectionistic behaviors.

• Explore self-compassion’s role in reducing self-criticism.

• Build resilience against setbacks, failures, and criticism.

• Practice skills to pursue excellence without being overwhelmed by the need for perfection.

  
  

The course is ideal for anyone wishing to address the negative aspects of perfectionism while maintaining the drive to achieve goals. Whether you’re new to therapy or seeking additional support, "Finding Balance Beyond Perfectionism" can be an invaluable resource on your journey.

Perfectionists often struggle to express their needs — see our blog on assertive communication strategies.

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Contact Us

If you’re ready to make a change, contact us today to learn more about our therapy services or enroll in "Finding Balance Beyond Perfectionism."